Maxi Scoots

General Discussion => Jokes and Haphazard => Topic started by: Buffalo on March 26, 2020, 06:48:42 PM



Title: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on March 26, 2020, 06:48:42 PM
Saw this one yesterday and thought it was funny. 

"Can we uninstall 2020 and reinstall it. I think it has a virus"

Sent it to Robin and she had a good response. 

"Tried that.  The virus is intrinsic in the release.  Went looking for v2021, not released yet."


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on March 26, 2020, 07:01:04 PM
LOL!!


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on March 26, 2020, 07:38:39 PM
Another good one.  "My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet." 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on March 27, 2020, 02:21:35 AM
lol


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on March 27, 2020, 06:53:32 AM
Y'all are funny.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on March 30, 2020, 09:25:16 PM
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200330/55da33a9add61ef07bfa9b4588c6b420.jpg)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on March 30, 2020, 09:30:46 PM
LOL


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on March 31, 2020, 01:50:09 AM
 :laugh:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: jpowell692 on March 31, 2020, 02:27:47 AM
Did you pay the normal 20% Ticketmaster surcharge?


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on March 31, 2020, 03:25:43 AM
 :blob:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: sirkitrider-2 on March 31, 2020, 05:45:07 PM
Guys,
THANKS for the giggles.  I'M SOOOO tired of this!

Be cautious but calm.
Pray and don't panic.
Easter is coming!

Sirkitrider


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on March 31, 2020, 05:57:37 PM
 Sometime this year, we taxpayers will likely receive another economic stimulus.
It is indeed a very exciting program, and Iíll explain it by using a Q&A format:

Q: What is an Economic Stimulus?
A: It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q: Where will the government get this money?
A: From taxpayers.

Q: Is the government simply giving me back my own money, then?
A: No, only a smidgen of it.

Q: What is the purpose of this payment?


A: The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high definition television set, a new iPad, or a new SUV, thus stimulating the economy.

Q: Isnít that stimulating the economy of China?
A: Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U. S. Economy with your stimulus check. Use it wisely:
* If you spend the stimulus money at Walmart the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
* if you spend it on gasoline, it money will go to the Arabs.
* if you purchase a computer, it goes to India, Taiwan or China.
* if you purchase fruits and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
* if you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
* if you purchase useless stuff, it goes to Taiwan.
* if you pay your credit card off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
Instead, keep the money in America by:
(1) Spending it at a yard sale
(2) Going to a ballgame
(3) Beer
(4) Tattoos
(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.)
CONCLUSION: Go to a ballgame with a new tattoo that you got at a yard sale and drink beer all day.
No need to thank me, Iím just glad I could be of help.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 01, 2020, 03:25:05 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/kR2j7d0N/Easter-Bunny.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/kR2j7d0N)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: EZMark on April 01, 2020, 08:19:00 AM
(https://i.postimg.cc/34DxwD1b/concert.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/34DxwD1b)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 01, 2020, 05:12:18 PM
Sounds like my kind of festival :)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 01, 2020, 09:03:20 PM
lol to both!


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 02, 2020, 07:42:10 PM
Posting this for Cathy

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200402/2958d12f928ebcd892becd57b6d16d35.jpg)

This is one I found

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200402/931a3852c7e7039fd1a8cee9b8e35120.jpg)







Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on April 02, 2020, 07:44:43 PM
Thanks Maggie. I don’t know why it wouldn’t post for me.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 02, 2020, 09:16:15 PM
more good ones.  :laugh:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 02, 2020, 09:34:35 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/rDxhpSqj/thumbnail-2.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rDxhpSqj)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 02, 2020, 09:35:09 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/ZvPRR7DZ/thumbnail-1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/ZvPRR7DZ)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 02, 2020, 09:35:47 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/cr9gPJ2c/First-time.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/cr9gPJ2c)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 02, 2020, 09:36:01 PM
(https://i.postimg.cc/5XSGfZ5p/thumbnail.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/5XSGfZ5p)

(https://i.postimg.cc/YLtRDSZH/image045.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/YLtRDSZH)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 02, 2020, 10:03:48 PM
All good ones!


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Clampett on April 02, 2020, 10:47:02 PM
Who knew that the "Home Alone" remake would be so popular?


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 02, 2020, 11:52:42 PM
Nice to have all these chuckles to break the monotony.  :clap:  


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 03, 2020, 04:13:23 AM
Me: Alexa what's the weather this weekend?

Alexia: Doesn't matter your not going anywhere.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 03, 2020, 02:04:34 PM
Me: Alexa what's the weather this weekend?

Alexia: Doesn't matter your not going anywhere.

Lol so true.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 03, 2020, 02:53:35 PM
One more.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 03, 2020, 05:49:23 PM
Love it :rofl:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 03, 2020, 10:56:13 PM
Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron straightened me out as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The vacuum was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over! The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it .....pull myself together


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: jdbrot on April 04, 2020, 12:55:55 AM
Wow, making me laugh!!!


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on April 04, 2020, 09:07:23 PM
Hereís a few more.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: klaviator on April 04, 2020, 09:16:24 PM
(https://advrider.com/f/attachments/20200403_112825-jpg.2221235/)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on April 04, 2020, 09:33:42 PM
Here in Chicago there are Memeís of our Mayor Lori Lightfoot telling us to stay home.  The first picture is my Daughter Karen at a hospital today with a cardboard cutout of the Mayor. 



Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: jdbrot on April 04, 2020, 09:41:36 PM
The last supper is hysterical.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 05, 2020, 12:41:52 AM
 :clap:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 05, 2020, 02:04:39 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/Y4pxPt9D/Stupid.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/Y4pxPt9D)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 05, 2020, 06:34:03 AM
I had to enlarge that 1st one. I didn't know you'd adopted a kid.  :head:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 05, 2020, 07:30:51 PM
.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 05, 2020, 07:33:48 PM
https://www.facebook.com/maggie.madonia/posts/10219876478595879 (https://www.facebook.com/maggie.madonia/posts/10219876478595879)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 05, 2020, 07:36:01 PM
Best laugh in a while.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 05, 2020, 10:27:27 PM
 :hug3:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 06, 2020, 01:47:35 AM
The drop in gas prices during a "stay at home order" is like a bald man winning a comb. 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 06, 2020, 11:35:59 PM
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/1785b48d3761430913f0eedc9016e7a7.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/f28492216e07cf0384178ab588676193.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/c9a42f6dc14dd4355b1f7d34bfd238fb.jpg)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/01d04ccf482fb57788f3a44fb552f2c3.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/b39741296ad180ee17f142b45d1fc087.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/7efcce74699afa2c8ba02155c1c66f1c.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/cba7b4d19727686465503476a05cb458.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/94c96f7f88aee539a093e91d4b0b1bb5.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/4516c9cb5a0b9b305109330acc29340e.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/3da1a3bfdbb5f8c7da8ad9405332541b.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/af8f1f106409b68f366ae3a0b6716bc2.jpg)(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200406/9140c51fbc0e60ec4f366e8066db5e20.jpg)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on April 06, 2020, 11:45:30 PM
Maggie, I am LMAO.  Too funny.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 07, 2020, 01:50:16 AM
Those are some creative mask  :rofl:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 07, 2020, 03:31:39 AM
Anyone else’s car getting 3 weeks to the gallon?


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 07, 2020, 05:07:06 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/7CNvPphQ/barber.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/7CNvPphQ)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 07, 2020, 05:17:10 PM
Our local grocery chain has a fuel points program. You have to use your points by the end of each month. So on March 31st I bought gas for $1.19.9 a gallon and had to leave $1.75 worth in the pump, on a 20 gal. limit. Now for April I'll get $.80 off per gallon and will probably have to give it away since I won't be needing any gas. Anyone around Hendersonville, NC want to buy gas for $1.10 a gallon?


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 07, 2020, 09:58:09 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/7CNvPphQ/barber.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/7CNvPphQ)


I didn't get my spring cut before all this hit!



Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on April 07, 2020, 11:34:28 PM
Clothes optional.  PPE not so much.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 08, 2020, 12:04:00 AM
Good lord....


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 08, 2020, 06:30:33 AM
(https://www.allsmileys.com/files/sweetim-emotions/6378.gif)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: minimac on April 08, 2020, 04:21:13 PM
Bob is going to be mad when he finds out you shared your "selfie" with us!


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 08, 2020, 09:02:19 PM

I didn't get my spring cut before all this hit!



Going to need some shears for that.  


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: jdbrot on April 08, 2020, 09:29:57 PM
I guess the end is near...


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: sonuvabug on April 08, 2020, 09:54:23 PM

https://www.facebook.com/maggie.madonia/posts/10219876478595879 (https://www.facebook.com/maggie.madonia/posts/10219876478595879)

Maggie, please, please ... for the love of God ... get out of the house and go for a long walk and get lots of fresh air.   While you're out walking, have the gas company in to check for leaks and/or any other kinds of contaminants in the air.  Now I'm worried even more about you and Pete.  BTW - can you please post a short video of Pete ... holding today's newspaper.  Just want to make sure everything is ... er ... OK there.   Love the door art! 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on April 08, 2020, 10:52:37 PM
Bob is going to be mad when he finds out you shared your "selfie" with us!


Ha ha! 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 08, 2020, 11:05:59 PM
Bob is going to be mad when he finds out you shared your "selfie" with us!


Ha ha! 


LOL I was just on the phone with Bruce.  I said, Wow you are still alive??  ;)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 09, 2020, 12:18:58 AM
A friend of mine in Huntington Beach just saw this dude that really wanted to go surfing..


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 09, 2020, 12:45:34 AM
Not safe for work (if there) or children


https://www.facebook.com/1038301734/posts/10219909218414354/?d=n (https://www.facebook.com/1038301734/posts/10219909218414354/?d=n)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 09, 2020, 02:35:38 AM
 :laugh:  Probably expresses the feelings of a bunch of people. 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on April 09, 2020, 05:45:02 AM
Too funny.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 09, 2020, 06:30:56 AM
I think the wheels are starting to come off around here.
(https://www.allsmileys.com/files/sweetim-emotions/6401.gif)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 09, 2020, 04:04:40 PM
I suppose in times like these a few loose wheels might be a good thing.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on April 09, 2020, 05:57:52 PM
Some humor.
I think you'll like this - the Brit talent for finding humour in the darkest places:

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?" 
Back to top Go down   


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 09, 2020, 06:34:59 PM
I saved that one too. #125 in the Doctor file.
(https://www.allsmileys.com/files/sweetim-emotions/6419.gif)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Clampett on April 09, 2020, 08:57:36 PM
A few mentions from the power company blog:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 09, 2020, 10:10:27 PM
 :rofl: That a good one Cathy. 



Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 09, 2020, 10:12:08 PM
 :laugh: Good thing to know if you eat at Cooter Brown's. 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 09, 2020, 10:20:03 PM
Lol. Good ones.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 10, 2020, 04:48:54 PM
Internet to the rescue.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on April 10, 2020, 09:29:22 PM
Lol.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 10, 2020, 09:39:36 PM
 :jaw:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 10, 2020, 10:05:54 PM
I'm not going to touch that one. 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 11, 2020, 01:03:10 AM
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200410/0948f799f45b6ba17517d060bf89b8ca.jpg)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 11, 2020, 02:51:51 AM
 :laugh:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: EZMark on April 11, 2020, 05:07:01 AM
Facehugger mask protects you from COVID-19, but increases your chance of chestbursters.
(https://i.postimg.cc/mh56jBz4/facehugger.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/mh56jBz4)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: klaviator on April 11, 2020, 05:16:25 AM
(https://scontent-ort2-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/92698394_2748870785208957_6603803794339790848_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&_nc_sid=8024bb&_nc_ohc=vXXFTu4u__0AX9JdhUX&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-2.xx&oh=ac6e8da3896e523fe7d620c172add10b&oe=5EB63B66)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: EZMark on April 11, 2020, 08:55:10 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/gxjV0dwn/covid-joke.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/gxjV0dwn)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: minimac on April 11, 2020, 03:51:14 PM
I'm not going to touch that one. 
Apparently, neither is the doctor!


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 11, 2020, 09:17:02 PM
Not really a joke but something I saw a couple weeks ago. May have been the last time I got out for a ride. At one point I was behind an old pickup truck. The whole bed was piled high with bundles of toilet paper with nothing to keep them from flying out. They must have been just thrown in the back because a couple packages fell out in a slow turn. Somehow the driver knew he had lost some of his load because he pulled to the left and stopped. As I went past him the entire cab was packed to the ceiling with more TP. I'm guessing he was looking to make a quick buck selling.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 14, 2020, 07:43:35 PM
People are so giving!!   

https://www.facebook.com/cherie.c.noles/videos/10156666245331012/ (https://www.facebook.com/cherie.c.noles/videos/10156666245331012/)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 14, 2020, 09:29:22 PM
Kind of like the way people willing give to the government. 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 15, 2020, 07:10:26 AM
Kind of like the way people willing give to the government. 

Yup.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 15, 2020, 03:20:27 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/rzxNVRPd/Staying-In.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/rzxNVRPd)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 15, 2020, 04:19:32 PM
We're still looking forward to Easter so, this really isn't late, y'all just jumped the gun by a week.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 15, 2020, 07:46:50 PM
Love it.    :laugh:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 15, 2020, 08:22:45 PM
That's awesome!


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 16, 2020, 05:27:39 AM
Not Corona but I thought it was pretty funny. Another from my friend in Australia.

(https://i.postimg.cc/PP363Ckf/thumbnail.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PP363Ckf)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 16, 2020, 05:27:43 PM
.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 17, 2020, 01:30:05 AM
Not Corona but I thought it was pretty funny. Another from my friend in Australia.

(https://i.postimg.cc/PP363Ckf/thumbnail.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/PP363Ckf)


Kind of like our economy isn't done crashing. 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 17, 2020, 01:31:23 AM
.

I want a ribbon too


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 17, 2020, 02:05:04 AM
I feel like I'm 16 again, gas is cheap and I'm grounded.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: jdbrot on April 17, 2020, 02:04:59 PM
+1


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 17, 2020, 07:49:24 PM
I feel like I'm 16 again, gas is cheap and I'm grounded.

In the past 6 weeks we have put $20 in the truck.  It is still sitting on 3/4 of a tank.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 18, 2020, 01:38:55 AM
 Yeah, I'm not buying much gas for the truck either.  I'm buying more gas for the mower  :hissy:
But then I use about 3 gallons every time I mow the yard.   


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: jpowell692 on April 18, 2020, 03:15:10 PM
I tried to copy a quote from my niece. She said she is quitting home schooling and switching to trade school teaching. Her kids are learning to become bar tenders.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 18, 2020, 03:22:09 PM
LOL, John!

Wow, Craig, 3 gallons.  Are you mowing all of East Dallas ;)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Clampett on April 18, 2020, 05:20:56 PM
Sounds like he is using a trac mower with 3 pull behinds ???? Or maybe a commercial ZT mower.

I use a JD X570, mow my yard, my brothers yard, next door neighbor, drive 1 mile to the next farm and cut his mother in laws yard, takes 1.4 gallons. Additional liter for the weed trimmer with saw blade for trimming the trees hanging over the road once a month for that 1 mile stretch.
If I cut full throttle, it reduces my cut time about 25% but uses about an extra .7 gallons. Nothing runs like a Deere  Very Happy
Using the Kubota ZT with a diesel engine, I'd use about 3 gallons with just mine and neighbors only. But man o' man, that beast was fun to use while I had it.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 18, 2020, 05:22:26 PM
The only way to pull off a lockdown afternoon 'quickie' with their
8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on all the street activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation

'There's a car being towed from the car park,' he shouted. 'An ambulance just drove by!'
'Looks like the Andersons have company,' he called out. 'Matt's out on his bike and his mum is telling him off'
'Looks as if the Sanders are going into full isolation!' 'Jason has had his skate board taken off him
After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are shagging!!'
Startled, his mum and dad sat up in bed! Dad cautiously called out,
'How do you know that?'
'Jimmy Coopers on his balcony with a Mars Bar'.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 18, 2020, 09:16:07 PM
Or maybe a commercial ZT mower.


John Deere Commercial ZT mower.  Burns about a gallon an hour and it takes about 3 hours to mow my yard.  I've got a big yard. 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 18, 2020, 09:25:49 PM
Sons like the neighbors have been sharing their diversionary tactics   :laugh:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Clampett on April 19, 2020, 04:13:22 AM
<snip>.  I've got a big yard. 
Yeah, that's what y'all call it in Texas. Here in Alabama we call that an unfenced pasture  :whistle:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 19, 2020, 07:31:58 AM
Or maybe a commercial ZT mower.


John Deere Commercial ZT mower.  Burns about a gallon an hour and it takes about 3 hours to mow my yard.  I've got a big yard. 

Some years ago while driving across Texas I spotted a sign on an old piece of plywood hanging off a fence, the hand written scrawl was done using a 4in brush, "For Sale, 23,000 Acres".


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 19, 2020, 05:23:13 PM
Yeah, that's what y'all call it in Texas. Here in Alabama we call that an unfenced pasture  :whistle:

Two problems with that.  Got no animals so no need for a pasture.  I have it fenced, keeps the animals out.   :hs1:  Very Happy


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Clampett on April 20, 2020, 12:45:56 AM

Two problems with that.  Got no animals so no need for a pasture.  I have it fenced, keeps the animals out.   :hs1:  Very Happy

(https://media.giphy.com/media/ZqlvCTNHpqrio/giphy.gif)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 20, 2020, 01:59:16 AM
If you get it you get it...


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 20, 2020, 02:22:18 AM
 :laugh:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on April 20, 2020, 03:38:05 AM
 :rofl:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 20, 2020, 03:54:00 PM
Day 43, quarantine hair still donít care! Pete cleaned up my eyebrows this weekend.  Heís good at this stuff!  I think he just liked inflicting pain on me as he plucked them one by one.

Iím so fortunate Pete will do these things for me :-) Iíve had two pedicures this month!  He says ok that saved you $25 while extending his hand.  I wonder do I have to tip him??

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200420/b981569f0c1bb7f37071787937408a1e.jpg)



Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Clampett on April 20, 2020, 06:21:24 PM
.......I wonder do I have to tip him??

 :barney:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 20, 2020, 11:39:59 PM
 :hs1:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: redeye on April 21, 2020, 02:00:33 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/2LwXECo.jpg)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 21, 2020, 02:14:23 AM
:-)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: bandito2 on April 22, 2020, 08:11:13 AM

 He says ok that saved you $25 while extending his hand.  I wonder do I have to tip him??

 Sure, just grab him by both shoulders (gently now... and social distancing be damned) and ask him
sweetly if he really wants to be tipped. If he says yes then just tilt him to the left or right a little and
then ask him "OK, how's that?"

I say that because once upon a time at work I had to unlock and open a door every time someone rang
the bell and wanted in. (it happened a lot and kind of interfered with my other work) Some would thank
me, but few would. Finally exasperated, one time I asked in a light joking way (had to be nice to clients)
"Gee, doesn't anybody ever tip the doorman any more?" whereupon I was gently grabbed at the shoulders
and was tilted to the side and was asked: "OK, How's that?" Well... it really was disarming and funny too.
We all got a chuckle out of that .




Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 22, 2020, 10:25:16 PM
Lol!!


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Clampett on April 22, 2020, 10:35:56 PM
If you get it you get it...
I just got it. I didn't see the movie, so I had to lookup who he was.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 23, 2020, 05:11:48 PM
This made me chuckle...


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: redeye on April 23, 2020, 05:55:14 PM
If you get it you get it...
I just got it. I didn't see the movie, so I had to lookup who he was.

You're gonna need a bigger boat.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: redeye on April 23, 2020, 06:03:52 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/5FcSN5H.jpg)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 23, 2020, 08:11:39 PM
 
This made me chuckle...

Got to buy the jumbo size bars of soap  :head:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on April 25, 2020, 02:44:26 PM
John Travolta was hospitalized for suspected COVID-19, but doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever, and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.

Apparently, he had chills that were multiplying.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 25, 2020, 04:19:44 PM
 :rofl:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 25, 2020, 07:08:43 PM
(https://www.allsmileys.com/files/sweetim-texticons/7067.gif)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: sirkitrider-2 on April 25, 2020, 08:49:49 PM
John Travolta was hospitalized for suspected COVID-19, but doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever, and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.

Apparently, he had chills that were multiplying.

:-)

Sirkitrider


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Spyderist on April 26, 2020, 10:54:20 PM
I just received this from a respected physician with whom I attended grade school and high school.  If you see an ad for this, contact your health department, the CDC, and the BBB.  It's a scam.


(https://i.postimg.cc/D41tkJX1/Clorox-Chewables.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/D41tkJX1)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 27, 2020, 06:28:26 AM
(https://www.allsmileys.com/files/sweetim-emotions/6414.gif) (https://www.allsmileys.com/files/sweetim-emotions/6419.gif)

Oh... btw... here's a list of some of the disinfectants that are, actually, used in the body.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 27, 2020, 04:20:54 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/dLb1xy49/thumbnail-1.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/dLb1xy49)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 28, 2020, 06:18:11 AM
Good one.
So good, in fact, I "borrowed" it. Thanks.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 28, 2020, 05:11:11 PM
That's ok, you are allowed to do that in light of the fact I "borrowed" it myself.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 30, 2020, 06:18:21 AM
Ah... did I mention we get turned loose come Monday????  :clap:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 30, 2020, 05:30:21 PM
 :rofl:

We don't exactly get turned loose tomorrow but our leash gets longer. 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Yellow Jacket on April 30, 2020, 09:30:49 PM
Not funny but saw on the news last night that one of the main organizers of NC's anti lockdown movements has tested positive for...you guessed it, Covid. Wonder what her thoughts on lockdown will be a couple weeks from now. Lots of demonstrators on TV but very few with any protection or spacing.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: redeye on May 01, 2020, 12:50:02 AM
(https://i.imgur.com/7bYftBh.jpg)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: CathyN on May 01, 2020, 01:38:01 AM
Lol


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on May 01, 2020, 03:23:01 AM
:-)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on May 01, 2020, 11:09:07 PM

(https://i.postimg.cc/8FTy4byY/Marty.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/8FTy4byY)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: redeye on May 02, 2020, 05:32:39 PM
(https://i.imgur.com/E8l9OYl.jpg)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on May 03, 2020, 06:13:24 AM
(https://www.allsmileys.com/files/sweetim-communicate/6271.gif)
The best street-meat I've ever had was in Prague.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: 1stscoot on May 03, 2020, 06:32:16 AM


(https://i.postimg.cc/5HVQ2Rqn/last-bleach.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/5HVQ2Rqn)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on May 03, 2020, 07:05:16 PM
Now that's a grill. 


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on May 04, 2020, 06:30:50 AM
Never let it be said that Ma Nature doesn't have a warped sense of humor.  Today is the day when lockdown ends and....


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on May 04, 2020, 08:02:49 AM
Update.... The squeaking wheel gets the grease.

The trouble is, by now all those pent-up, frustrated drivers are up and at it and, while, we're 99.7% crazy behind the wheel on a normal day, I think I'll stick close to home for today & play it safe.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on May 14, 2020, 08:54:04 PM
To be honest their brisket is probably worth it ;)

(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200514/f21456ee4835c72512bec4efbf8d0058.jpg)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on May 14, 2020, 10:56:15 PM
 :texas:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on July 25, 2020, 03:11:27 AM

(https://i.postimg.cc/7GsPjjFW/Lettuce.jpg) (https://postimg.cc/7GsPjjFW)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on July 25, 2020, 05:57:03 AM
Not that's a funny pun.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Maggie on August 31, 2020, 08:28:01 PM
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200831/e6c984377b2f5e553ee4bde1c1d14000.jpg)


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on August 31, 2020, 09:14:18 PM
 :laugh:


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on November 07, 2020, 06:53:10 PM
For our Nawthern friends.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Expat47 on April 06, 2021, 11:27:11 AM
This did NOT bring any particular member of this board to mind.
Honest Injun.


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Buffalo on April 06, 2021, 03:16:56 PM
 :laugh: Good one


Title: Re: Virus humor.
Post by: Clampett on April 06, 2021, 09:41:39 PM
Two more than me  :rofl: :rofl: